Home 2008: 7 “I felt very close to God”

“I felt very close to God”

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Abdullah’s regime can only take the freedom from my body but it can never take the heaven from my heart for God alone is sufficient for us, writes Sheih ‘Kickdefella’ of his experience in detention.

As the reporters rushed to shoot questions at me, I asked them, who is the Prime Minister. One reporter for a TV station smiled and said, “Pak Lah lagi”, and I said, “Kalau macam tu saya nak masuk lokap baliklah…” I then turned away from them.

Staying inside the police lock-up in Kota Bharu Police Station and in Dang Wangi Police Station was a very memorable and peaceful experience. I found solitude and I felt very close to God.

I spent my time praying and recite Qur’anic verses. I found a wonderful time to pray for Mama and Abah. My confidence grew and I took all the barrage of insults and turned them into respect. As I walked pass the other detainees for the last time; they took turns to shake my hand. I entered the lock-up as a humble man fighting for the small people; when I left, those small people in the lock-up looked at the small man in me as one of their friends. I shouted ‘Makkal Sakthi” trice and said my salaam. They clapped in return.

One of the police personnel there told me he would start blogging immediately after he finished his shift for the day. All of them – yes, I mean all – asked me to help to fight for the Polis DiRaja Malaysia. As they said, their morale is at its lowest.

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I told the press I got more info about the police rather than the police getting info about me. And I told the press that we should send Abdullah Ahmad Badawi to the lock-up, so he would finally find his Ghazali. I told the press, I enjoyed my time there and it is a treasure for me. I strongly believe it would be good for Dollah too.

My lawyer and I agreed that I should be charged, so we could fight this politically motivated case in court. Abdullah Ahmad Badawi would be one of the witnesses I would call to the stand. Others will include Shahrir Abdul Samad and Deputy Minister Saifuddin Abdullah.

I will ask my lawyer to let me throw questions at Dollah. I can hardly wait for the moment. I had such a great four days and three nights holiday with PDRM, and I knew they too enjoyed my company. I made more buddies in those four days than I made in a year. I have no complaints about the food as that is the reality of those poor and small people for whom I am fighting.

Of course, I do not anticipate Ramadan Buffet during this holiday as that would be a sin for me because those people whom I fight for never ever even heard the word buffet, leave aside imagining it in their lives.

On behalf of my readers, families and friends and myself too, let us thank Chief Inspector Mohd Azuan Hussin, Detective Sabri and Detective Mahathir, Sergeant Halim and all the high-ranking officers in the PDRM for taking a good care of your beloved Kickdefella. Although it would not be a good idea to be seeing you guys often, let me just say this… You are really jolly good fellas.

“I felt complete”

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I spent three Ramadan nights in the police lock-up, and last night as I lay down on my bed as a free man, tears flowed down my cheeks for the first time since the death of my mum.

The moment I stepped into the lock-up in Kota Bharu District Police Station was the moment all confusion subsided. I sat facing the wall all the time because I could not bear looking at the other side where the ‘attached’ bathroom was.

I recited Hasbun-Allah-Wa-Ni’ma-Wakil and Ya-Malik-ul-Mulk Dzul-Jalal-Wal-Ikram all the time only to take a break to perform solat and solat sunnat. It was the most peaceful time I ever experienced. Those nights, living with a bare minimum, lying down on unfinished cement, without any shirt to wrap over me; yet, I felt warm. I felt complete.

It was an un-worldly moment. I felt no fear. No anger. No remembrance of those I left behind. It was just me and… Him.

When I fell asleep, I could feel my mother and father, both of whom had left this cruel world, there, smiling at me. It was the strangest experience; yet such a wonderful one.

On the last day in the Dang Wangi Police lock-up, I shared these feelings with the person in–charge of the lock-up. He looked at me and said you felt this way because you are innocent. He was very apologetic and wished I could understand the nature of his work.

During my last Subuh prayer in the lock-up, I prayed to God that, if in His eyes I was innocent, then please forgive those who, due to the call of duty, had to do what they did. I bear no grudge against them. When we met, we were strangers, but we parted as friends.

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For four days and three nights, I was robbed of my rights as a citizen of Malaysia, but nobody can rob me of the experience I had during that time forever.

Abdullah’s regime can only take the freedom from my body but it can never take the heaven from my heart for God alone is sufficient for us; He is the disposer of affairs. He the eternal owner of sovereignty, the Lord of majesty and bounty.

Sheih Kickdefella is a film-maker and blogger based in Kelantan

Source: http://kickdefella. wordpress.com/

The views expressed in Aliran's media statements and the NGO statements we have endorsed reflect Aliran's official stand. Views and opinions expressed in other pieces published here do not necessarily reflect Aliran's official position.

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