Will controversial issues be raised? Yes No Will senior government officials be criticized? Yes No Will judges be implicated? Yes No Will cabinet members be slandered? Yes No Will CM’s or MB’s be scandalized? Yes No Will prominent businessmen be libeled? Yes No Compulsory: Show cause why any proposal, resolution, discussion, conversation, tete-a-tete or any matter whatsoever to be raised at this meeting will not bring about disrepute and opprobrium to the nation and misconduct on the part of your association or cause it to be held in contempt of court. ……………………………………………….................…… ....................………………………………................……… ( Note: If you fail to answer this question, you will automatically be held in contempt of court)

Phew, it's been quite a month! Issues were spilling out like the proverbial beans. First there was all that stuff about a CJ and a Bar Council 's aborted EGM, nipped in the bud by a redoubtable Nathan. Where in the world do people get stopped from holding get-togethers? Here's one for you SUHAKAM — is this an infringement of the right to party or not? Surely this is really some heavy legal precedent! One of these days associations will have to apply not just to the police but to the courts to have permission for members to have verbal exchange and social intercourse. Better still why don't we have them fill out a standard form supplied courtesy of Usoftchin & Co., a firm, to which finable, chargeable offences of associations will be privatized. The form will require answers to a number of questions.

Then there was the dear PM's suggestion that the constitution does not disallow a non-Malay from becoming the prime minister. He hoped that in time to come Malaysians would allow for such a wonderful turn of events. This coming from the president of a political party whose raison d'être is the preservation of Ketuanan Melayu and whose major partners are racially exclusive political parties. A bit hard to swallow, isn't it? Don't get me wrong, I think a PM should never be chosen on the basis of race (or for that matter, gender) alone. And if we want to lick communalism, charity begins at home.

If Dr. Mahathir is serious about his proposal, I can suggest several possible scenarios involving important reforms in the ruling Barisan Nasional coalition and component parties. The first scenario would involve the BN partners opening up the contest for BN leadership. In this scenario, there will be no presumption that the UMNO leader will be the BN chief and thereby also be PM. All BN party members will have to meet in one general assembly to democratically elect their leader. Try that!

The second approach will require more radical reform. The BN itself will become a "mega" party. The mega coalition will require all its component parties to dissolve themselves, have direct membership into the BN, irrespective of race and creed.

In all likelihood, Bumiputeras are still bound to dominate the new mega party but there will be openness in the selection of the leaders, not based on race. Actually we already have an interesting precedent in Malaysia. The essentially Iban-based party, SNAP was led for a long time by a Chinese, James Wong. So, why not the BN by a non-Malay, who can also become the prime minister?

This leads one to think aloud about a serious contradiction in Malaysia's laws. How come the Malaysian constitution guarantees non-discrimination on all matters relating to race, religion and gender (except for Bumiputera rights) but political parties like UMNO, MCA and MIC are allowed to be racially exclusive and discriminatory in the way they choose their members, let alone their leaders?

Let's see the BN lead by example. Since the landmark proposal was made at the MCA gathering let's see if the Mahathir siren will lead to a Lim or a Ling entering the Mahligai in Putra Jaya.

It's amazing how some people can become so disturbed by what the PM says. Someone got really riled up by the PM's statement over violence in schools. This is what a certain "Susan" wrote on the internet, which I happened to pick up.

" There is so much to say about Mahathir that I am getting really tired. The frequency in which he projects his nonsensical behaviour is exhausting. He is a racist, a tongue twister and a psychopath, to mention but a few superlatives that I could muster to sum up the man. There is no difference between my obsession with Mahathir and my obsession with death. I would flee from both with the speed of light and I would dread to spend precious moments thinking about either."

Susan was livid over Dr. Mahathir's statement blaming the reformasi movement for the spate of violence in schools, including acts of arson. Basically she was saying that it was such a spurious relationship to make. She argued that it's almost as if one were saying that:

"The increasing rate of rape in the country must be related to the allegations of rape against Datuk Rahim Thamby Chik, increasing violence against women and children must be related to the incidence of slaps and kicks by a certain minister at the KLIA airport, beating up of civilians during demonstration or in jail houses is a karmic repetition of Ex Police Chief Rahim Noor's punching of Anwar Ibrahim and extortion of money in schools must have been

influenced by stories of the prime minister's anger and obstruction where the ACA's investigation of the EPU was concerned."

It's a tough one to follow but I think we get the point. There is a remarkable penchant in our country for stating the non sequitur. The PM's utterings about the foreign menace and foreign domination in the country is always followed by either him or some other ministers welcoming the participation of foreign investors in our economy. Our compliant media seem to find nothing wrong with such statements and dutifully repeat them ad nauseam.

Talking about foreign involvement in our country, Starbucks, the multinational coffee chain has arrived in Penang. Started in Seattle, home of Bill Gates, and also the place of the uprising against the WTO last year, Starbucks establishments now pepper the KL scene and I guess Penang will be playing catch-up. But can't we see the contradiction again? Here is the whole government railing against foreign domination of our economy. The Americans themselves have protested against big business domination in the US and seem to be doing something about it. But not us here in Malaysia. Dr. Mahathir's bark is surely worse than his bite. Actually, I'm beginning to believe he has no bite at all except for perhaps the chomps he must take once in a while at Macdonalds!

Yes, the lexicon of Malaysian politics grows by the day. We have all heard of our "longkang MPs". The term was popularized at the recent hustings when the opposition used it to describe the Members of Parliament who spent all their time and the rakyat's taxes to look after drains but be damned if they will worry about human rights, judicial corruption, etc… Now the irrepressible YB Datuk Madam Kee has added yet another term for our political entertainment — "toilet ADUNs", of which she is the icon. In her capacity as State Tourism, Culture, Art and Women Development Committee chairperson, she launched a "war against toilet abuses" (sic). This war against toilet abuses must be won at all cost, declared the honourable ADUN of Batu Uban and she immediately promised to get specialists to operate public toilets in the state of Penang.

The toilet issue subsequently was hotly debated in the Penang State Assembly when BN ADUN Teng Chang Yeow asked Madam Kee if tourists visited Penang because of its toilets or because of its attractions. Unfazed, Madam Kee went on to say she was aware of the toilet problem and had set up a subcommittee of toilets headed by Lye Siew Weng. Lye immediately sprang to his feet and said he had inspected all the Penang toilets (!!), pointed out the problems, but nothing had been done to date. All this gives me a bit of the runs to think of the depths to which our politics have descended. My impression is that our politicians spend more time discussing the fine points of sewage than passing important motions. Now it all makes sense. Our politics have sunk from the gutter to the night soil!

(editor's note: This saga of Madam Kee's toilet travails has received airing in the TA column of two previous issues of the AM!)

Who said the army is not into making movies? Did we forget so soon that on Sunday, July 2nd, at least one newspaper had a front page splash of a new movie, titled Lt. Adnan, to be premiered on July 31st with the Yang di-Pertuan Agong in attendance? How deep was the involvement of the Mindef in this movie project? Quite extensive! Here's what the paper said, "Besides offering technical advice and props like uniforms and weapons, the ministry has also been instrumental in writing the script — which took almost 13 months to finalise — and in sponsoring the RM2.5 mil production cost." Further, a general was quoted as saying, "around 2000 of our men, including senior officers, were also cast in the film to play various roles and act out the battle scenes." (Sunday Star, July 2, on pages 1 & 3.)

And when did the heist drama unfold? The dawn of Sunday, July 2nd! Talk about coincidences. The heist did start out receiving rave accolades, with the Defence Minister likening it to a "scene from a Hollywood movie." Other journalists have dubbed the stunt the Malaysian Mission Impossible, and also a Rambo in the making.

But, it wasn't like that at all. What started out to be a Scwhar-zenegger's Terminator action-thriller really ended like one of those unfinished episodes of the X-Files. Although Hishamuddin Rais in his column in Malaysiakini (Tragedi Greek atau Komedi Grik?) prefers to see the whole episode as a case of bad script deteriorating from a genre policier to The Three Stooges, we'll give the army a bit more credit. I sense a blockbuster sequel coming.

Admit it. The Sauk incident has left us with a sense of the bizarre and the surreal. You see, there are at least 15 questions that we can pose to get all the Mulder and Scully wannabes to start opening their own X-files. There were just too many weird and unexplainable happenings in the jungle. Here goes..

First, check the contradictory statements published by a selection of newspapers (even in the same paper on the same day). Here's a sampling:

Other questions that our Mulders and Scullys might like to consider:

The IGP's reply was that they were sporadically shooting 'to lift their spirits as they were alone in the jungle' (Star, July 6, pg. 8). There were 30 of them together (not really lonely we would imagine) in the hideout, tensely waiting to be ambushed and they had to choose to lift their spirits this way! Just fancy that!

The Wednesday edition of the Star (July 5) had a front page picture of a soldier in bandage with a colleague holding a drip next to him walking together into the Taiping hospital to be warded. Question posed even at that time was why Taiping and not Kuala Kangsar hospital as the latter was nearer. Next day, on Thursday, a doctor in Kuala Kangsar hospital confirmed that only one wounded soldier was treated at his hospital. Even the IGP announced that only one soldier was injured and not two as reported. So, who's the mystery soldier, named, a Sarjen Hassan who was whisked into the Taiping hospital, with his shoulder bandaged?

Finally, check the background of Al Ma'unah 's members, the aims of the organization and the date of its formation.

The group was said to be set up in September 1998 (magical date!), its members champion Jihad and the setting up of an Islamic state, and most are young professionals and local university graduates. Now, how does one explain that the members were a motley assortment of systems analysts, gardeners, drivers, labourers, engineers, information technology, computer experts and accountants? Are they what they appear to be? Was this purely a mystical event? Have aliens landed in Malaysia? Have aliens taken to turbans and army fatigues? Have aliens infiltrated the army? Taken over the government? Taken over our lives?

TO BE CONTINUED... (Coming soon to a theatre near you).