The talk about having a general election has been in the air for some time now, especially ever since Umno pushed the idea in the midst of Bersatu struggling to find its footing in Malaysia’s political landscape.
Umno contends that calling for a snap general election is the only way to solve political instability that has been haunting the country, arising from Perikatan Nasional’s inability to acquire a comfortable majority in Parliament.
This explains why Ahmad Maslan, the newly anointed Barisan Nasional secretary-general and Umno secretary-general, is reportedly riled up by a coconut grater who, apparently in a television interview, insisted that now is not the right time to call for a general election in the midst of the menacing coronavirus pandemic.
As rightly pointed out by Ahmad, who is this grater to say such a thing when he doesn’t even have a degree in between his sun-kissed ears?
Ahmad is obviously right to argue that only someone with a university degree, preferably PhD, would have the required intellectual capacity to appreciate fully the importance of having the general election soon, the pandemic notwithstanding.
Never mind the objection to the polls idea from a cohort of opposition leaders, union leaders and concerned citizens. Their arguments don’t count for much if they echo the baffling apprehension of the confused coconut grater.
Why, surely Ahmad is the right person to understand and appreciate this complex issue; after all, wasn’t he the one who managed to grab a CGPA (cumulative grade point average) of 3.85 in his student days? An academic achievement of this nature deserves a round of applause, no less.
In the protracted combat against the pandemic, which has been made out to be a deterrent factor to snap polls, what is badly needed is a mental leap that is equivalent to Ahmad’s. It is the kind of mindset that should be as unconventional as a Kardashian lifestyle.
Besides, one can’t possibly predict the appropriate time for a general election just by grating a coconut or two, even if it reaches the extent of producing santan or coconut milk.
To follow through Ahmad’s intellectually challenging contention to its logical conclusion, one should also seek the expert help of the resuscitated Malaysian Professors’ Council, where sharp minds in the land are located. These holders of PhD and professorship could provide much-needed counsel to predict with much precision the right time to call for a general election, given the available instruments of research they have. Let it be known that this professorial prediction will not resort to such unscientific methods as gazing at the crystal ball, much less gazing at the navel.
Only after closely examining the intricacies of Ahmad’s thinking would we then be able to appreciate the relentless pursuit of certain political leaders to get a degree or two from various shades of educational institutions the world over. It also explains why, with a degree in hand, certain political leaders are able to understand and internalise the political and financial significance of, say, corruption, nepotism and rent-seeking that are passionately practised in our society.
Perhaps Ahmad could teach the coconut grater something that befits his humble station in life, instead of idly talking about elections: teach him how to make delicious fried rice.
Of course, unlike Ahmad’s culinary practice, the simpleton grater should have the option not to put a Ridsect insecticide aerosol can by the side of the burning stove when stir-frying the rice. – The Malaysian Insight
Note: This is satire